1.I hired you for your creativity – And wedding planning takes a lot of it. If I tell you that I want to cut costs by doing DIY centerpieces but I’m stuck at what kind of vases to use, make a suggestion! (FYI: Beer bottles with single stems or hydrangeas in mason jars look beautifully shabby-chic at a garden wedding.) If you think that jewelry featuring pearls with diamonds would look better than the gold chain bracelet I had planned, say so! You have creative license in all areas of weddings – share your thoughts with me.
- You are my biggest cheerleader – If I voice an opinion, I expect you to back me up, even if you might disagree. If my mother (or mother-in-law) decides at the last minute that we can’t have the shrimp canapés and that we must have veal sliders instead, please don’t put me in the middle. I’m already doing enough people-pleasing, and it’s okay for you to tell my family “No.”
3.This is more stressful for me than it is for you – I know that this is your job, and I know that it’s high-stakes, but please, please don’t tell me how stressful it is for you to coordinate with my florist, band, and photographer. Hearing how frustrated you are doing all of this work makes me all flustered, and not in the good way. I didn’t want to be stressed at all when it comes to planning my wedding – which is why I hired you.
- I count on you for the details – I don’t need to know if the tablecloths are angled the wrong way or if the photographer forgot one of his lights for our portraits. If something major happens (the definition of major is at your discretion), I expect you to let me know, but if it’s just going to make me stress out/cry/hyperventilate, please handle it yourself. I hired you because I trust you; if it won’t matter in the long run, don’t tell me about it.
- I may request things that are “beneath” you – My wedding day will be packed with activity from the moment I wake up until the moment I say “I Do,” which means I don’t have time to run errands if something goes awry. If my fiancé brings the wrong suit to our wedding and realizes the right one is at the dry cleaner, or if my little sister forgets her pearl wedding necklace, Spanx or strapless bra for her dress, I will expect you to get into your car with a smile on your face to pick it up, and to be back with plenty of time to spare. It may not be my shining moment, but I am usually a very reasonable person and every bride is entitled to lose her mind every once in a while, right? Please keep this in mind as I call you twenty-five times before you even start your car.
- Ask me what my fiancé wants – In all the hullabaloo of planning a wedding, the groom’s opinion can fall by the wayside – after all, he’s not the one with an “inspiration board” that he’s been working on since he was six. However, that doesn’t mean all he cares about is what kind of booze there is at the open bar and that they play “Sweet Caroline” during the reception. It’s okay to remind me that this is his wedding too.
- It’s okay to disagree with me, respectfully – This may be my first wedding. It’s also (hopefully) the only wedding I’ll ever have. You’ve done this a lot more than me, and I appreciate your knowledge and experience. If you think that the napkins I picked will clash with my centerpieces, let me know in a way that won’t make me cry. If you think that the bridesmaid gifts I picked are tacky, and want to recommend a company that will get all the details right, please do so. You’ve planned many more weddings than me; I just want to make this one perfect.
- I expect you to learn my customs and traditions – You are a professional, which means I expect you to do research (if relevant) about the customs and traditions I want to incorporate in my wedding. If I tell you that I want a traditional Irish ceremony, you should immediately Google kilts and bagpipes. This is a learning process for both of us; I need to know that my beliefs are your priority.
- We never wanted our wedding to be THIS political – We want this to be the wedding that WE want, but we want to make sure that everyone is happy, and we don’t know if that’s possible. If people are offended that we don’t want children under five present at our ceremony, we would appreciate your advice on how to compromise. If you have ideas about how to incorporate meaningful moments for our guests that won’t take the focus away from our relationship, please don’t hold back.
10.I can’t thank you enough – You worked day-in and day-out to make sure that my wedding day was everything I dreamed about since I was a little girl, and there’s no amount of money or gratitude that can show you how grateful I am. We’ve been through the wringer together, fought with family members, and most likely got into a few shouting matches ourselves. That means I consider you part of my family, even if I don’t always act like it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.